And the bigger the secret, the harder it is to keep. In one recent study, subjects asked to conceal their sexual orientation in an interview performed worse on a spatial-ability task, reacted more rudely to criticism, and gave up sooner in a test of handgrip endurance. Keeping a secret, as the idiom suggests, requires constant effort. Sometimes a handbag is just a handbag, but modern research does support the idea that secrecy can be a source of mental and physical distress. If his lips are silent, he chatters with his finger-tips betrayal oozes out of him at every pore.” Interpreting the act as an expression of repressed desire, Freud concluded, “No mortal can keep a secret. During one session, as he tried to help her uncover the source of her sickness, Freud observed Bauer toying with a small handbag. She’d become depressed and withdrawn, even hinting at suicide. I need you to stop doing this.” Attach whatever consequences you’re comfortable with such as “if I hear it again, I’m going to step in and say that’s not true in front of our friends” to “we’re going to need marriage counseling” to “I’m leaving.” And yes, I think leaving is something you consider when you’ve told your most intimate partner that they’re hurting you and they continue to do the same thing, in the same way, with no compunction or remorse.Though his 18-year-old patient Ida Bauer was “in the first bloom of youth,” Sigmund Freud wrote in 1905, she had come to him suffering from coughing fits and episodes of speechlessness. I don’t want to hear you say this about me again.” If he protests that it’s no big deal, you can respond “Maybe it wasn’t a big deal if you said it once five years ago but the fact that I continue to hear it now is hurting our relationship and my career. I’m hurt that you seem to enjoy making me look bad in front of our friends. Start with, “I’ve said before when you bring up the surprise party that I don’t like that you tell people I can’t keep secrets. I think you should choose a neutral time to bring this up. It’s past time to get absolutely crystal clear with him about this issue and its consequences. Worried: Wow, no wonder you almost didn’t marry this person. Kinda sounds like all you do is keep secrets from him. What do you tell him? No wonder this guy is jumping on any chance he sees to show people when he found something out from you or to believe that you can’t keep secrets from him. Being on your honeymoon doesn’t factor in at all. I disagree with not telling a spouse about almost everything on your list, but I can’t even fathom any possible justification for not immediately telling a spouse upon learning that your father was in the ICU. Sounds like you also don’t share information about your personal past, finances, opinions, personal feelings and even when a close family member is in the ICU. You can’t tell him what goes on at work (I assume), fine. Have you been honest with yourself about your openness and truthfulness with him? It sounds like that is lacking, which would feed - or create - any insecurities he has about not knowing stuff. Or maybe you need to take a step back and worry about what you’ve kept secret from him in the past.
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